WHITE HOUSE OUSTS PASTRY CHEF; SHAKE-UP COMPLETE
'We Have Fixed the Problems,' Says Delighted President
Attempting to answer the calls within his own party to shake up his
beleaguered administration, President George W. Bush today ousted the
White House pastry chef and pronounced the shakeup complete.
"There have been many Republicans in Congress who have been calling upon
me to do something drastic," Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House.
"I am convinced that by firing the pastry chef, we have fixed the
problems."
Mr. Bush, while declining to "play the blame game," indicated that after
much consideration he had concluded that the White House pastry chef was
at the root of most of the problems of his administration.
"Let's face it, during the run-up to the war in Iraq, there was all of
that talk about weapons of mass destruction, and the pastry chef didn't
say anything about it," Mr. Bush said. "If he knew that the intelligence
was faulty, he should have spoken up."
The president added that the pastry chef was "slow to act" in the
aftermath of Hurricane Katrina: "Basically, he was just in the kitchen
baking the whole time."
While Mr. Bush said that firing the White House pastry chef would probably
solve all of the problems plaguing his administration of late, he was not
afraid to take future action if warranted.
"I am fully prepared to fire the person who waters the plants around
here," Mr. Bush said.
Elsewhere, adolescents who do not get enough sleep and then drive while
drowsy pose a safety hazard, according to a new study today published in
"Duh" magazine.
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