GEORGE W. BUSH: We really don't care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There's no
middle ground here.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I'm
now against it!

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two
different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed
to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did
not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because
it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

COLIN POWELL: To the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but
I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and
I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help
chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How
much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road
paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm
talking about your money, money the government took from you to build
roads for chickens to cross.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTHA STEWART: If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I'd
be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities
could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I'm a private person and
shouldn't have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common
chickens.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from Heaven, and he said unto the
chicken: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken didst cross the
road, and there was much rejoicing.


DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not
been told!

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming
story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will
defend to the death its right to do it.

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable
part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The "road," you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep
him down.

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We really don't care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There's no
middle ground here.