Why FOX News Is
Good For Liberals
By Michael Goodspeed
True Skeptic.com
5-1-4
From the moment I acquired the smallest capacity for higher
thought, I have been bothered by certain overt truths about the United
States of America. Around the age of 8 or 9, I became convinced that my
survival in this country would require a fierceness of independent
thinking, a refusal to believe on FAITH anything and everything that the
masses accepted as "truth." For reasons that I can't quite remember, I
felt at a gut level that a majority of people in this country had been
hoodwinked into believing things that were not true.
I remember becoming consciously aware of politics at the age of
12. I was in the seventh grade and preparing for an oral debate in my
social studies class. The topic, pre-determined by my teacher, was
abortion. I had never heard of abortion and had to ask my teacher what it
was.
I researched abortion by reading all the related literature I
could find in the school library. Most of the books I found seemed to
argue that abortion was a very bad thing. Looking at ultrasound photos of
fetuses in the womb, I quickly began to feel the same way. It seemed to me
a foregone conclusion that abortion was reprehensible and should be made
illegal.
When it came time for the debate, I gave an impassioned speech
advocating the overturning of Roe V. Wade, giving power to the states to
determine their own abortion laws. The overwhelming majority of my
classmates (most of whom had also never heard of abortion) responded to my
thesis very favorably. I immediately became convinced that most people
must be opposed to abortion.
A few months later, I stumbled on an episode of Oprah Winfrey's
talk show which dealt with abortion. This was quite a jarring experience;
I was surprised when a majority of Oprah's audience members, and Oprah
herself, expressed the adamant belief that abortion was "a woman's right
to choose," and should remain legal. Shortly after this, I saw an
installment of the Today show which portrayed all "pro-lifers" in an
incredibly negative light. They all seemed to be walking around with dead
fetuses in their hands, quoting the bible, and planting bombs in abortion
clinics. Even at the age of 12, I took this as a grotesque slur against my
intelligence. I was pro-life, yet I was NOTHING like the morons and
fanatics who were portrayed as "my ilk" by Bryant Gumbel and Katie Couric.
The viciously one-sided "coverage" of abortion by American "news"
outlets eventually convinced me that most "reporters" were not only
pro-choice, but felt no obligation to hide their opinions from the public.
I learned that most conservatives felt the same way, complaining of biased
coverage in the "liberal media." As I advanced into my teen years, I began
to feel like a stranger in a strange land. The "great reporters" of our
time imparted to me the not-so subtle message that I was not only wrong
but DANGEROUS for thinking the way that I did. I heard words like
"right-wing extremism" and "right-wing fanatics" repeated over and over on
network "news" casts. But I don't recall ever once hearing the words
"left-wing extremist" or "left-wing fanatic" from the mouths of Brokaw,
Jennings, Rather, Couric, Walters, et al. I began to wonder if it was even
POSSIBLE for liberals to be "too extreme" in their thinking. I had never
HEARD of such a thing!
Eventually, my views on abortion (and many other social issues)
evolved, and I stopped believing in legislative and judicial solutions to
most of our country's problems. But even as I abdicated the adamance of my
pro-life position, I retained my resentment towards the
know-nothing-know-it-alls in the American news media who had no
compunction with ridiculing my beliefs while forcing their own down my
throat.
So you can imagine my ecstasy when I learned of a cable news
network that would act as a "counter balance" to the left-wing
journalistic majority. The Fox News Network, the creation of billionaire
media mogul and known conservative Ruper Murdoch, hit the air waves in
1996 with the promise that it would provide viewers with "fair and
balanced" journalism. This seemed to resonate with a large number of
Americans who shared my contempt for the covertly biased "mainstream
media." It would be nice to stay abrest of world events 24/7 without
having to absorb the smugly self-satisfied, intentionally tainted and
left-slanted "reporting" of CNN.
It has been 8 years since the inception of the Fox News Network,
so we must ask ourselves: Did Murdoch and company deliver their promise to
provide viewers with "fair and balanced" reporting? Have they succeeded
where virtually everyone else has failed?
If "fair and balanced" means "not liberal," then yes, Fox has
lived up to its own standards of journalistic integrity. But if "fair and
balanced" actually means "fair and balanced," as in reporters leaving
their personal opinions and agendas out of their stories and treating all
sides of the political landscape with parity, Fox has failed more
miserably than even its most liberal predecessors.
If the high-falutin, deeply nuanced, limousine liberalism of CNN
can be called a "polished turd," then the chest-pounding, flag-waving,
shamelessly overt neo-conservatism of Fox is the purest grade of
unfiltered horseshit.
One might think that I, as a TRUE conservative, would barely be
bothered by the blatant right-wing bias of Murdoch's little brain child.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Fox News has done more damage to
the intellectual causes of true conservatives than any left-wing
journalistic outlet in the history of our country, and I don't just say
this because Fox was single-handedly responsible for electing George W.
Bush, the scourge of true conservatives and all right-minded people. Fox
sucks so mightily because they succeed in making liberals RIGHT. Fox
validates every negative stereotype ever asserted about right-wing
ideologs. Of what stereotypes do I speak? Here, let me list them for you:
1. Conservatives are stupid.
The majority of Fox's "anchors" have even less of a grasp on
King's English than our perpetually maundering Idiot In-Chief. Take
Shepard Smith, host of "The Fox Report" and owner of the most suspiciously
white teeth on television. Unfortunately for Smith, his enviable teeth
occupy a maw that seems gobbed full of peanut butter or some terrible
obstruction. The man literally can neither read nor speak. One is more
likely to here an articulate utterance from the mouth of a prize fighter
who's just gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.
Smith's apparent dyslexia and/or speech impediment caused him
enormous humiliation in 2002 when he uttered the following statement
during a report on pop-star Jennifer Loper: "J. Lo's new song 'Jenny From
the Block' is all about Lopez's roots, about how she' still a neighborhood
gal at heart, but folks form that street in New York, the Bronx section,
sound more likely to give her a curb job than a *****!" Shep was
supposed to have said "block party," and he immediately apologized,
saying, "I have no idea how it happened, but it won't happen again."
Sorry, Shep, but I DO now how it happened. YOU CAN'T FRICKIN' READ!
Fox's morning program "Fox and Friends" features the most insipid
trio of blank-slate simpletons in the history of television "news." They
seem like nice enough folks (at least in a washed out, aryan sort of way),
but again, the ability to read and speak in a coherent manner is a
prerequisite for any on-air personality. Imagine Katie Couric as a 1950's
subservient housewife...and you'll have F & F's blonde bombshell E.D.
Donahey. Weather guy Steve Doocy is...well, the typical weather guy:
affable, goofy, annoying, and totally, utterly blank. Sports guy Brian
Kilmeade does indeed have a pretty good grasp on sports...a VERY good
grasp on sports. A REALLY, REALLY good grasp on sports. Period.
I don't agree with the notion that conservatives are stupid (at
least not as a RULE), but Fox and its little cabal of pretty, brainless
"reporters" seems determined to prove me wrong.
2. Conservatives are hypocrites.
This gets back to the issue of "fair and balanced" reporting.
Conservatives once had firm ground to stand on when asserting that the
news media was slanted to the left. How can we say this now, with Fox
standing as the highest rated cable news network in the country?
The hosts of Fox's most "prestigious" discussion shows are Brit
Hume and Tony Snow. Hume, host of "Special Report with Brit Hume," was
branded a conservative at ABC and ruined for life in the network news
biz...so Fox was obviously an ideal fit for him. Tony Snow is an openly
conservative columnist and radio personality who has filled in as
guest-host on Rush Limbaugh's show since the early 1990's. Hume and Snow
together are the most shamelessly, blatantly biased reporters in the
history of mainstream American journalism.
Viewing Hume's "Special Report" is a discomfiting exercise for
anyone with a working brain. If you have any doubt of Hume's bias, watch
his little 2 minute segment in the middle of "Special Report" entitled
"The Grapevine." The SOLE PURPOSE of The Grapevine is to illustrate
instances of liberal stupidity, dishonesty, and hypocrisy. Granted,
liberals can be quite stupid, dishonest, and hypocritical...but SO CAN
CONSERVATIVES. You would never know this from watching Hume. We hear
reports of college universities "censoring" conservative voices on
campus...we hear reports of John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Michael Moore, and
Hillary Clinton sticking their foots in their mouths and/or acting like
jerks...we hear reports of Islamic fundamentalists raving against Israel
and the "Zionist conspirators" in the American government....but we NEVER
hear anything that reflects negatively on the neo-conservative ilk. Gee, I
wonder why?
3. Conservatives are poor losers.
Al Franken created a firestorm of controversy with his
best-selling book, "Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell Them: A Fair and
Balanced Look at the Right." Fox news actually filed a lawsuit against
Franken, claiming copyright of the "fair and balanced" slogan. The suit
was immediately tossed out of court, leaving Fox looking like even bigger
asses than if they'd done nothing.
Red-faced blow-hard "Rile 'em up" Bill O' Reilly reacted to
Franken the same way he did to George Clooney, Bill Moyers, and everyone
who has dared to criticize him: he repeatedly slammed Franken in on-air
tirades, calling him "vicious" and "emotionally disturbed." In a very
heated public debate between the two, O' Reilly became enraged and
repeatedly screamed at Franken, "Shut up! Shut up!" Granted, Franken is
also a blow-hard and seems to genuinely hate people with whom he
disagrees, but O' Reilly calls himself the master of the "NO SPIN" zone.
He is supposed to remain objective and above the fray in these little
public tiffs.
Hume also got into the act of trying to discredit Franken,
reporting gleefully in "The Grapevine" that Franken lied in an attempt to
interview John Ashcroft about a non-existent book he (Franken) was
"researching." Franken did lie, and that is wrong, but Fox only reported
it because they hate Franken and want to pay him back. Poor losers,
indeed.
4. Conservatives are war mongers.
What can you say about a network that has beaten the drums of war
since the attacks of 9/11? What can you say about a network that grants
interviews carte blanche to everyone from country-singer and unabashed
xenophobe Toby Keith, to Attorney General John Ashcroft? What can you say
about a network that features as regular contributors Charles Krauthead
(er, Krauthammer, the most pro-Israel commentator in all of Washington),
Bill Kristol of the "Weekly Standard," Republican strategist Heather
Nauert, frothing right-wing columnist Michelle Malkin, Fred Barnes,
Colonel David Hunt, Oliver North, republican congressman J. D. Hayworth,
and countless other neo-conservative Bush apologists? What can you say
about a network that features Neil Cavuto, who said of war protestors,
"You sickened me then (before the Iraq war began), and you sicken me now."
What can you say about a network that reads the body count of our
"enemies" like the score of a video game? What can you say about a network
that continues to support a war that has taken the lives of over 700 US
soldiers?
5. Conservatives have contempt for women's rights.
I make this case not because Fox is opposed to abortion and
affirmative action (the key tenets of modern feminist ideology), but
because of the quality and appearance of Fox's female personalities. The
women on Fox are not merely attractive, but jaw-droppingly,
drool-inducingly, drop dead gorgeous. It is difficult for any red-blooded,
heterosexual man to watch Fox News for any length of time without
submitting to the urge for self-gratification. The "babes" on the other
networks have become more and more attractive over the years, as
well...but they at least seem to have the intelligence to match their
looks. Fox's women, on the other hand, are as dumb as boards. I never
believed in the "dumb blonde" stereotype until I heard the aforementioned
E.D. Donahey open her mouth.
It is obvious that Roger Ailes, Chairman and Chief Executive
Officer of Fox News, believes that the best role of female "reporters" is
to act as eye-candy and masturbation material for the male viewers at
home.
These are just a few of the more egregious stereotypes associated
with conservatives that Fox News seems to determined to prove as
realities. What I find most sad is that the true conservative ideology
will win the hearts and minds of objective people if it is ever presented
in a fair and accurate light. We, conservatives, do not need our trumpets
blown by a bunch of ignoramuses and blow-hards who have barely the
faintest idea of what conservatism is really about. A genuinely "fair and
balanced" news agency will serve us, and the country, just fine.
Perhaps some day we'll actually have it.
http://www.trueskeptic.com
.
|
