It is fish death row, and in the center, the jewel in the aquatic
necropolis
crown, is the crazy crab. Ok. It is not an exaggeration. Y'all this
crab
is clinical. It is one fucking KRAZY KRAB!!!!
About three feet wide, a good foot and a half tall, this crustacean
don't
play. He is spiny. White teeth like needles cover his entire body. His
eight legs seem like more and he spreads them like the wings of the now
extinct California Condor. His cell is larger than the others, owing to
the sheer magnitude of his size, and it's a single. Krab is in
isolation,
however, it is not entirely for minor infractions of fish tank
regulations, petty brawls with a gang of prawns, an alleged affair with
a
rockfish, but also, the separation of Krazy Krab from the general
populace
is for the safety of all who work the days and nights of Ocean Seafood.
Krazy Krab is legendary. Krazy Krab is dangerous. Krazy Krab is fucking
Krazy.
Krab has visitors often. Some stay for a long while, asking him
questions.
Krab is the underwater Hannibal Lecter. There are young women in blue
suits and good sensible shoes who ask the Krab about the snakefish, if
the
notorious new illegal immigrant killer fish, with no natural predators
and
the ability to walk on land, will move from the Wyoming lake killing
spree
to another body of water. Krazy Krab adores the attention, but becomes
unreasonable at times, with demands to see Hermit Crab, not remembering
the violent falling out they had, leaving Hermit Crab afraid to come
out
of his shell now for weeks. That Krazy Krab has burned bridge after
bridge
yet expects to be able to cross them sideways when he wants to.
Krazy Krab gives out elusive clues, helps the environmentalists who
want
to preserve the wildlife and aquatic balance in the still fairly
untouched
areas of the country, the amateur and professional Walden Pond posse,
who
attempt to save what we have left of this land from the snakefish, who
at
press time still seems unstoppable. Krazy Krab speaks in riddles,
confusing haiku, baffling allegory, which wind up being enormously
helpful
to the naturalists, the marine biologists, and for this Krazy Krab is
in
return given special attention and books other fish have no interest
in,
such as Kafka's "Metamorphosis." Although he is crab, he understands
the
cockroach. After all, they share the same calcified exoskeleton and
know
what that is like, for to live as a minority in the water, or on land
is
not easy. Your shell is all you have and the inside of you is soft
jelly
that will spill out of the tiniest crack and you will be dead.
Krazy Krab is force fed a diet of numerous psych meds which seem to
somehow warp and bend his intellect, making him less useful to the
snakefish hunters. When dosages are increased or altered, fights break
out
in the tanks, as the Krazy Krab slams his claws on the plastic that
contains him, shouting demeaning insults to the soft shell crabs, small
and defenseless, as Krazy Krab, in his insanity, still remains somewhat
of
a coward. The clams are usually shut tight, as are the mussels, yet the
lobsters go wild, straining against the ties on their huge claws,
threatening to snap off Krazy Krab's spiny arms. Even the tiger prawns,
usually pacifists, refuse to accept Krazy Krab's behavior. They, the
shrimp, the most peace loving of all the shellfish, who only seek to
unite
the underwater world, rather than divide it, are tested by Krazy Krab's
insolent behavior, and lose their pinky patience and refuse to tolerate
it. A few tiger prawns even organized a hunger strike, that proved
unsuccessful, as they were eaten by restaurant patrons before the act
of
nonviolent protest had any real impact on the fish and shellfish
community.
Krazy Krab was not born insane, but made so by the system of tanks, the
water that was not properly oxygenated, the lack of privacy, the meds
unnecessarily prescribed, increasing his paranoia, as his huge body is
constantly on display, not knowing when the day would come that it
would
be time for him to leave the tank. The boiling vat awaits him. It could
be
a wedding, a funeral, an office party. It could be any day now. Krazy
Krab
attaches numbers to the days, making the world turning on its axis,
each
revolution, incredibly important. Krazy Krab lives life to the fullest
for
he knows not how little he has left, as do none of us, whether we live
in
a tank, or a penthouse.
--Margaret Cho, comedienne
.
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: YEP, KRIB, YOU'RE THE KRAZY KRAB OF THE APN FISH TANK !! |
25 May 2006 03:28:01 AM |
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You do tend to get obsessed, don't you?
.
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| User: "Krib" |
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| Title: Re: YEP, KRIB, YOU'RE THE KRAZY KRAB OF THE APN FISH TANK !! |
25 May 2006 07:29:58 AM |
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"Jane" <pushlinque@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:kUddg.1859$%Z2.275717@news20.bellglobal.com...
You do tend to get obsessed, don't you?
It's the control freak in him, the pathetic old retard can't bear
not being the centre of attention.
--
krib
.
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: YEP, KRIB, YOU'RE THE KRAZY KRAB OF THE APN FISH TANK !! |
25 May 2006 03:51:30 PM |
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"Krib" <kribuk@gmailREMOVECAPS.com> wrote in message
news:arhdg.42$m7.41@newsfe7-win.ntli.net...
"Jane" <pushlinque@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:kUddg.1859$%Z2.275717@news20.bellglobal.com...
You do tend to get obsessed, don't you?
It's the control freak in him, the pathetic old retard can't bear
not being the centre of attention.
I've noticed that, :).
Jane
--
krib
.
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